Decisions Are The Worst

I got offered a job...Here

Pros:

• Full time RN position
• Willing to work with my school schedule for this last semester
• Working with a population that I love!
• Monday-Friday with weekends off
• Option to be on call every other weekend and make a little extra $$$
• When I met with the staff it just felt right...I know, cliche' 

Cons:

• Full time position and I have 17 credit hours this semester. The semester that starts in 2 days.
• Full time position and I have a 180 hour Senior Project/Preceptorship to complete this semester.

Okay, so those are the only cons. In reality, if I had been offered the job immediately following my interview I would have taken it right then. The basis for the majority of my decisions revolves around how I feel. Call it intuition. Call it the Spirit. Call it naivety. Being with the staff from Discovery Ranch felt right. Felt as though I'd known them for longer than the 2 hours we spent lunching together for my interview. That was 10 days ago and now my brain has gotten involved. 

My brain is hung up on a few things. Aside from the aforementioned cons, I don't want to take the position just because it's offered. Things have been getting more and more frustrating at my current job. I suppose it's the normal frustrations of feeling as though your concerns are not being heard. Frustrations that nothing is changing...the passiveness of "we're in a learning phase...things will work themselves out" so I fear I'd be taking the position just to escape the situation. I fear leaving my wonderful residents in the current situation without some one willing to advocate for them and ballsy enough to open her mouth and be heard...me. 

And then there's all the what ifs. What if? What if? What if? 


Basically, it comes down to the fact that I'm scared. 

What to do. What to do.

Every one should see...

{Evening}

 

Did You Know...

I like to dabble in photography?

Here are some of my {Favorites}

 

 

What Every Woman Should Have

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...

One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you how FAR you’ve come.

Enough money within your control to move out and rent a place on your own even if you never want to or need to.

Something PERFECT to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

A youth you’re content to move beyond.

A past JUICY enough that you are looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

The realization that you are going to have an old age and some money set aside to help fund it.

A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, A BLACK LACE BRA.

One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

8 matching plates, wineglasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make your guests feel honored.

A resume that is not even the slightest bit padded.

A feeling of control over your destiny.

A skin regime, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few facets if life that don’t get better.

A solid start on: a satisfying career a satisfying relationship and all those other facets if life that DO GET BETTER.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...

How to fall in love without losing yourself.

How you feel about having kids.

How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

When to try harder and when to walk away.

How to kiss a man in a way that communicates p e r f e c t l y what you would and wouldn’t like to happen NEXT.

How to ask for what you want in a way that makes it most likely you’ll get it.

How to have a good time at a party you’d never chose to attend.

That you can’t change  the width of your hips, the length of your calves, or the nature of your parents.

That your childhood may not have been perfect BUT IT’S OVER.

What you would or wouldn’t do for love or money.

How to live alone even if you don’t like it.

Who you can TRUST and who you can’t and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

Where to go, be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a charming inn hidden in the woods when your soul needs soothing.

What you can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, a year.

Why they say life begins right now!

From 30 things every woman should have & should know by the time she's 30 by Pamela Redmond Satran

Childish Things

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a woman, I put away childish things -- 1 Corinthians 13:11

Putting away childish things is turning out to be a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. When Mom began remodeling her home, we decided (Well, more like I decided) it was time to sort through everything and declutter. Yesterday, in a barrel in the basement we found my baby dolls and stuffed animals I've saved over the years.

• Baby Bear -- I gave her a hug in the department store when I was 8 months old and would never let it go. I even took her on my mission.
  
• Ted D. Bear -- Becky gave him to me for Christmas one year.
• Al the Crocodile (he roars when you squeeze it's snout) -- Lance brought it back from Florida for me before they moved and I wouldn't be his nanny any more.
• Welcome Home Baby -- That's what it said on the box, so that's what I named her.
• Snowball the Gorilla -- Sam won him for me at Lagoon on our first date playing a football game.
• A ratty little doll named Leivela -- I saw her one Christmas morning and yelled "Leivela!" My mom still doesn't know where I came up with that name.
• Purple Elephant -- Chad won him for me at Lagoon...turned out to be quite ironic when the pink elephant in the room really did turn out to be purple.
• Cyndi and Jeffery -- Both anatomically correct.
  

At 30-years-old I'm finding it difficult to part with them. How is that possible when they've been put away for so many years? So, I'm not. They're going into the toy closet for my niece to play with...well, all except Baby Bear. She's going back on my bed.

Now & Then

That Was Then.....

This Is Now...

A year later and we still pretty much look exactly the same.

What A Girl Wants

I want to get married here

In the fall when the leaves are changing...and I want to wear colored shoes.

I want to marry someone who is my best friend.

I want someone who will hold my hand as we walk into Sacrament meeting.

I want someone to study the scriptures with...to share insights, thoughts and feelings on the wonderful gospel of Jesus Christ.

I want to kneel down at night next to the love of my life as we thank our Father for the gifts and blessings of the day.

I want someone who will use his priesthood to bless my life and the lives of our children.

Basically, I won't settle for anything less than my very own fairy tale.

All Dogs Go To Heaven....Too

Seems as though life happens when you least expect it. Wookie died yesterday. He had pancreatic cancer and we didn't know it. So, he's gone to be reunited with Wickette.

Wookie always thought he was a little person. He'd lay in your arms like a baby...content as can be. He was my little circus dog. Walking in a circle on his hind feet for a treat. He was such a little loving soul.

Dance It Out

When Life Get's Crazy, Just Dance It Out

Sorry Katie...I override your veto

He's a BRIK house!

Since Wickett died, Wookie had been severely depressed. The vet said he was suffering from separation anxiety...so, we got him a new friend.

This is Brik

Brik is such a good boy! He learned to use the doggy door almost immediately. He loves to snuggle. I stayed down at my mom's for the weekend after picking him up. He snuggled with me the entire night. When I went home, he sat by the front door and cried. Now, when I start gathering up my keys and what not to come home, he follows me around and makes a little whimper noise because he knows I'm going to leave. Wookie and Brik love to go on walks together. It's so funny to watch them side by side. If I had never had Wookie and Wickett I would have thought Brik was a small dog. At 18 pounds he a giant a long side Wookie. He's a fat boy too...2 pounds over weight, so we're working on that.

The decision to get a new dog was a difficult one, but Brik was meant to be a part of our family. Wookie is so happy now! While we love Brik, he'll never take Wickett's place in our hearts. That's the great thing about love...

The heart just keeps growing 'til there's room for everyone.

Baby Love

My first day at
Primary Children's Medical Center
I gave a 22 day-old-baby
his first bottle.

I sang him lullabies and cried.

Staying Afloat

School's in and with the start of the new semester I was transported to an alternate dimension...Nursing: Second Semester. I've always loved to be busy, to have a full schedule. Currently, however, I feel as though I'm barely keeping my head above water. I exsist only in this new dimension. An exsistence of school, work, and working for free to satisfy clinical hours. I've recently considered changing my voice mail to say: This is Somer. If you'd like to reach me, please try back between the hours of 4-5:30a.m., 1-3p.m., and 9-11p.m. If you're calling between the aforementioned hours, I've probably looked at the caller idea and am just too tired to carry on a coherent conversation. If you'd like to leave a message, I'll return your call...in an average of 4-6 weeks.

I dreamt of you again.

When I woke, my skin burned and
my heart ached.

I thought I'd purged the memory of you.

I hate that I still miss you.

What's In A Name?

What is it with all the crazy celebrity baby names? I blame it on Bruce and Demi! I mean, come on...who names their daughters Rumer, Scout, and Tallulah? Perhaps it began even farther back with the Zappa family. Poor Dweezil, not to mention his sister Diva. Names like Suri, Shilo, Apple and Coco are tame, when compared to Moxie CrimeFighter, Penn Jillette's daughter, and most recently Gavin and Gwen's bouncing baby boy Zuma Nasta Rock. What on earth were they thinking? Contrary to a seemingly popular belief, naming a child is a very serious responsibility. Naming a child begins shaping who they will become. I wonder what the world would say to {Somerset} for a celebrity baby name, and what effect it would have on shaping who she would become.

In searching baby name sites on the internet, Somerset was no where to be found...for a baby girl. Somerset is a boy's name of Old English origin meaning "summer settlement" or "place of the summer settlers." Not so helpful. I already new I was named after a man...W. Somerset Maugham. But, you would think that someone, somewhere, would have thought it nice for a girl...well, besides my parents.

So, I got creative. Turning to my trusty key-chain from Disney world and a poster I got at a mall kiosk.

According to my Disney source:

{Somerset}
From Somerset, a name of English origin.
Meaning "the summer settlers place"
She learns something from everyone she meets.
Knows she has the drive to succeed.
She's a light shining in the darkness
Constantly working to improve her talent.
Can turn a rainy day into sunshine.
Limitless potential is what she has.
Captivates attention in subtle ways.

The explanation from the mall says:

{Somerset}
From the Old English root Summer.
Expression~her presence provides a breath of fresh air.
Personality~takes everything with a grain of salt.
Natural~skillful in all she attempts.
Emotional~a lover of truth and God.
Character~there is a mild, pure soul within her.
Physical~inspires others with her grace.
Mental~she is inquisitive about extraordinary things.
Motivation~has a neat and tidy manner.

Definitely interesting. I wonder what celebrity life would say about that?

Time In A Bottle

I find it interesting that some of life's realizations sneak up when you're not expecting them. I've always loved going to the Ericson Family Reunion...my dad's mother's side of the family. I rarely see any of my relatives on that side, but come once a year. I really don't know who any of them are...Cousins, that about covers EVERYBODY that's there. This year as I walked down the dirt road to the pavilion up Tooele Canyon it hit me...things couldn't be this way forever. Things would change. Suddenly I felt an overwhelming desire to remember every moment, and save every memory possible of the day. Faces of familiarity that I love and cherish.My Dad and his siblings: (L-R) Gaylen, Richard--my dad, Nancy, and Gary.

The Aunties: Aunt Alli, Aunt Beth, and Aunt Leah.

Me and my Shorty Uncles

So this is what everyone feels like around me!

Puppy Love

I've always considered myself to be someone that dealt well with death. I started working in geriatrics as a 16 year old. I've held the hands of people I loved while they crossed the veil, comforted families...I've even spoken at funerals. However, none of those experiences prepared me for loosing Wickett. We found out at the end of June that Wickett's kidney's were shutting down. When you hear news like that about a person, you immediately think, "What can we do? What tests can we run? Spare no expense!" When you hear it about your puppy, you think the same things...but it's a DOG. There was nothing to be done. So, we waited as long as we could before accepting the inevitable action of putting Wickett to sleep. I was surprised at how quickly he went to "sleep"...pretty much as fast as the injection was given it took effect. Mom and I cried and cried. I held him the whole ride home. When we got there, I laid him on the floor so Wookie could see him. I don't think he understood it was Wickett. I wrapped him in his blanket with his paws hugging his baby. Mom and I had a little funeral in the back yard. We couldn't help but laugh as we talked while digging the hole in the dirt, wondering what we looked like--two grown women sobbing over a dog, we even made sure he was facing east...laughter through tears always has been my favorite emotion. It's true what they say: Dog truly is man's best friend. Wickett and Wookie listen without judging, interrupting or talking back. They're always happy to see you when you walk in the door. When I had my knee surgery they both never left me alone. My own little watch dogs. They're content to snuggle on the couch and watch a movie or take a Sunday nap. I've decided that the difficulty in Wickett's death was that it was in our hands. With people, they can tell you what they want, what they feel...if they're ready. When people die, I know they have a family waiting to welcome them home on the other side. Wickett just looked at us with his big brown eyes. I believe that we did the right thing. And, when all is said and done, I believe what they say....All Dogs Go To Heaven. I hope my Granddad gave him a treat when he got there.

UVUPhoria

It was the event of the century...or maybe the decade...or the year...well, of the day at least. The culmination of the Grand Celebration marking the transition from UVSC to Utah Valley University marked by a concert featuring Josh Gracin, Collin Raye, and Joe Nichols. And to top it off, there was even a Niel Diamond impersonator straight from Las Vegas! A Perfect excuse for a girls night...



...I'm so excited to graduated from a University! I thought that may have been the reason it's taken me so long to get through this higher learning experience--that was until I found out ANYONE who has graduated from UVU in any of it's previous forms qualifies for a diploma from UVU. Sure, now you tell me.

The Silver Bullet Express VS The Dumptruck

Guess who lost?

Hangin' Tough

I remember it like it was yesterday...Saturday, September 1, 1990 the {New Kids On The Block Magic Summer Tour} rocked the Marriott Center in Provo. And I was not there. I had planned on going. My cousins had an extra ticket and had invited me to go! It was the most exciting prospect of my life thus far! Then, the day before the big event they reneged the invitation. Someones 'best friend' was able to go...they were in and I was out. I was devastated! Instead of singing at the top of my lungs with thousands of other shrieking pre-pubescent girls, I sat on my twin size bed gripping my pillow adorn with a New Kids pillow case, staring at the New Kids posters on my bedroom wall, and sobbing as their melodic voices floated from my boom-box. My 11-year-old heart was broken! Now, close to twenty years later, I have found vindication! On Saturday, November 15, 2008, I will be singing at the top of my lungs with thousands of other post-pubescent 30-something women at the {New Kids On The Block} concert! YES! I have still got the Right Stuff to be Hangin' Tough!

A Silver Lining

In every event, decision, experience of our lives there's a silver lining. While sometimes you have to really look for the sunny side of life, other times it jumps right out of you. Such was the case in todays events. I decided to start the day off right by getting up early and hitting the gym. Being so not a morning person, I stumbled into the bathroom and put contacts into my sleepy eyes...then, as I looked in the mirror, there it was. A silver lining staring back at me. Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say a silver line...right on the crown of my head... my first gray hair!