Red Eyed Zombie

If the next time you see me I appear to be in a zombie-like, sleep walking, daze...don't be surprised. 

A new full time job and a 20 credit hour semester are bound to have that affect. For the next 16 weeks, my schedule will go a little something like this:

MONDAY: Work at the Ranch from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m....except for every other Monday when I leave at 2:30 to get to my Spiritual Meditation in Healing class from 3-6p                                

TUESDAY: Nursing in Global Perspective....Senior Seminar...Senior Project...Nursing Leadership and  Development...Parasitology...Parasitology Lab. Yep...I'm in class from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. without a scheduled break. 

WEDNESDAY: Work...Work...Work...7--5 

THURSDAY: Back at the Ranch from 7 a.m. to 5 p.m....except to leave for a few hours to attend Parasitology.

FRIDAY: Working the day away at the Ranch.

ONCALL: Monday through Friday and Every other weekend

Luckily for me, the ranch hands like me enough to work with my school schedule this last semester and let me work 10 hour days to make up for being gone on Tuesdays. Now, I just need to figure in time for the gym, homework, and house work. Oh ya...and there's also that Senior Project/Final Clinical I've got to squeeze in during graveyards or on the weekends.

When I explained my schedule to my Nursing Leadership and Development teacher, he looked me right in the eye and said, "There are two things you're going to need to make it through this semester. Tylenol and Xanax." 

Who can write me a prescription? 

Subliminal Messaging...

It's amazing what you learn in BYU stats...

 

Click to enlarge

I'm a failure!

Decisions Are The Worst

I got offered a job...Here

Pros:

• Full time RN position
• Willing to work with my school schedule for this last semester
• Working with a population that I love!
• Monday-Friday with weekends off
• Option to be on call every other weekend and make a little extra $$$
• When I met with the staff it just felt right...I know, cliche' 

Cons:

• Full time position and I have 17 credit hours this semester. The semester that starts in 2 days.
• Full time position and I have a 180 hour Senior Project/Preceptorship to complete this semester.

Okay, so those are the only cons. In reality, if I had been offered the job immediately following my interview I would have taken it right then. The basis for the majority of my decisions revolves around how I feel. Call it intuition. Call it the Spirit. Call it naivety. Being with the staff from Discovery Ranch felt right. Felt as though I'd known them for longer than the 2 hours we spent lunching together for my interview. That was 10 days ago and now my brain has gotten involved. 

My brain is hung up on a few things. Aside from the aforementioned cons, I don't want to take the position just because it's offered. Things have been getting more and more frustrating at my current job. I suppose it's the normal frustrations of feeling as though your concerns are not being heard. Frustrations that nothing is changing...the passiveness of "we're in a learning phase...things will work themselves out" so I fear I'd be taking the position just to escape the situation. I fear leaving my wonderful residents in the current situation without some one willing to advocate for them and ballsy enough to open her mouth and be heard...me. 

And then there's all the what ifs. What if? What if? What if? 


Basically, it comes down to the fact that I'm scared. 

What to do. What to do.